Tight lips don't sink ships

Time to install that filter upgrade on my brain.

I'm just not watching my mouth lately. The brain is thinking thoughts. The thoughts go to my mouth. The words come out of my mouth. People give me funny looks.

Examples:

A play group with women I don't know. They're sitting together on the floor. I walk over and sit with them and say hello. I ask how they know each other. A breast feeding support group. "Oh oh," my brain says. "Oh oh," I say out loud. I am met with quizzical looks. "Oh, um.. " I stammer, "My daughter's 20 months old, too old for breastfeeding, ha ha ha." I am then met with disapproving looks. "The world health organization says a child should be breastfed until age 3." I am told. I smile calmly and reply, "Well the world health organization needs to send some spare boobies my way cuz I'm sure as hell not doing THAT!" More looks from faces with tightly pulled lips. The talk quickly turns to cloth diapering. Such passion for their choices and everyone who uses "paper diapers" are just evil. I turn to Narnia and say, "Time to go, honey. These aren't our people." I said that out loud, too? Why yes I did! Oops.

I don't think I'll be welcome to join them again, do you?

You know, I'm a mom and all, but damn. I just don't care to discuss breastfeeding in public anymore. I certainly don't want to sit with a group of women I don't know and discuss it. How's your boobs? Oh mine ache today. How are yours? Oh my nipples are sore. Eh bleh yeeeecccccch. Can we talk about something else please? How are you cloth diapers holding the runny poop? Oh yeah.. gimme more of THAT talk. OMG people can we talk about anything else? How about that new Chris Rock show? Or better yet, the one about the housewife who sells pot. That's a GREAT show. No? Cracked nipples? Ok...

Another example:

Very pregnant mom chases her toddler around the room. We smile at each other and I politely ask when she's due. I do the math in my head and say, "So your child was 3 months old when you got pregnant?! Are you INSANE?"

Oops.

She gives me that same tight lipped look. I quickly add, "OH, uh... well I had a miscarraige 8 months ago, so I'd be having a baby next month and I'm SO GLAD now that didn't happen because can you just imagine? An active toddler AND a newborn? NO WAY, NO THANK YOU! I'm happy to have my life back!"


If she pulls her lips into a tighter grimace, they'll crack apart... She nods curtly and walks away.


Later that day, on the phone with my newly pregnant friend who is complaining about morning sickness. "I had to lay on the floor all day while my daughter ran around me. I told her if mommy got off the floor, she'd puke all over the place." My kind and sympathetic reply, "Better you than me, Chickadee."

What has happened to me?

I dunno, but I kind of like it. I'm a bit edgy these days. I think it suits me.

Yep. Yep. Yep. I've totally lost touch with the baby making, breastfeeding, prego crowd. Thems not my people anymore. I don't know who my people are, but I have a feeling they wouldn't give me that stupid tight lipped, something's stuck up their ass look. They'd open those lips and tell me where to shove it.

THOSE are the people I want to hang out with. Those are MY people.