Harriet the spy

I think I'd make a great spy. No one would ever suspect me. You know, this somewhat frumpy housewife in her tshirt and jeans and BACKPACK (sorry, Babysitting Mafia) just shuffling along, doing her Mama thang.

This is why I make a great blogger. I'm constantly observing everyone, just waiting for them to do something interesting so I can write about it in my blog.

Wow, no clue how pathetic you are until you type it out and then read it back to yourself.

Here's a few conversations I overheard while desperately seeking out material for this here blawg.

Setting: Grant's Farm tram
Observing: Two midwestern West County-ish generic-style moms. 30ish.

Generic Mom 1: How's Dave?
Generic Mom 2: Dave's fine. How's Kathy?
Generic Mom 1: She's fine. How's Robert?
Generic Mom 2: He's fine. How's Dan?
Generic Mom 1: He's working.
Generic Mom 2: How's his work going?
Generic Mom 1: It's fine. How's Dave's work going?
Generic Mom 2: It's fine.

Wow, someone actually had sex with these women enough for them to produce offspring. Which proves that for every boring person out there, there's a person boring enough to have sex with them.

Setting: Costume Shop
Observing: Slightly less generic looking 30 year old woman. Probably not a mom. Isn't wearing Mom Jeans and has on heels. Talking on cell phone.

Costume Lady: Oh! My! God! I've been trying to call you for like TEN MINUTES!
I just found a switchblade and when you press the button, a comb pops out! Isn't that GREAT? (Listens) Of course I'm getting one for you! I'm getting one for me, too! Can you just imagine me whipping this out and scaring everyone and then pressing the button and combing my hair? Everyone will just DIE!


Yeah, everyone under the age of five.


Setting: Outside of Target
Observing: 40 something year old woman. Bad 80s hair. Feathered bangs. Tshirt with teddy bear printed on the front.

Bad Hair Woman: What did I tell you before? How come you don't listen to me? You've got to get her out of your life. Rip off the bandaid, Carrie. Just rip it off. Sure, it will sting at first. But then the pain is gone and so is she. Rip it off! Get her out of your life for good. You have to be strong and you have to do this before it's too late. Get. Her. Out. Now. Carrie, listen to me. Rip off the bandaid.

Oooh yeah, that's better. Who's Carrie and who is this other woman? And best of all, who is this feathered hair Dr Phyllis?

Setting: Medical office
Observing: 50 something year old woman in business attire

Office Woman: I'm telling you, he did. He grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me deep into the eyes and said, "Sue. Listen to me. I will not let this happen to you again. Do you understand? I'm on your side, Sue. I will NOT let this happen again.
(Listens) Of course I didn't believe him! He's in management, they're all a bunch of crooks.


Ooooh nice! I wanted to stick around to hear more, but she caught me lingering and turned her back on me and lowered her voice. Damn! Gotta work on my mad spy skillz.